Autistic dating online
Sure, you’re a little socially awkward, but you know what, that’s adorable.” I let it go.
Well, on the autistic spectrum, and it sometimes makes me seem weird, or socially awkward, and it’s difficult for me to get things — you know, body language things.” He paused, then broke into a smile. “There’s nothing wrong with you that most people don’t have.
There’s a feeling of coming out, of revealing something.
And then to have that person turn round and say you aren’t autistic — well, that’s difficult, too.
For a couple of months, I was sent to a special residential school for kids with behavioural problems, which was terrifying for all sorts of reasons I won’t go into here, and completely wrong for me.
This story perhaps illustrates how far I had come since the age of thirteen, and why it was easy to lie to myself at University — to say that I wasn’t really autistic anymore, or that by learning about social graces I had somehow “got over it” or “got past it.” I was a nineteen-year-old with long blonde hair, doing a degree in English Literature and living away from my parents in University flats.
“I have to tell you something about myself, something important,” I said to my boyfriend. I could have pursued it, could have explained how difficult school had been: how I’d gone to see lots of educational psychologists before finally being sent down to London to see Francesca Happe, a specialist in autism, who — after one hour of tests, which seemed like games at the time — diagnosed me with Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, a form of autism.
It’s still difficult to tell someone who sees you as normal that you are autistic.Sometimes I feared the mask would slip, that I would be discovered, but I seldom was — although sometimes in conversation, someone would develop a puzzled look on their face.