Dating email contact database
If you’re a woman who dates online, you’ve probably sifted through a lot of messages. On the contrary, men initiate no matter what, and the more messages they receive, the more they send.
When we looked at age, we thought we might see some trends around how women behave — do older women act more assertively because they’re more confident?
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Yet doing this research unlocked a secret — the Ok Cupid ecosystem actually puts women at a huge advantage.
When we looked specifically at sending the first message, we found one striking habit: everyone’s a reacher, meaning people tend to reach out to someone more attractive than they are.
Perhaps they’re used to getting attention, so they prefer to wait to be courted.
No matter how attractive a woman appears, we see similar messaging behavior.
On Ok Cupid however, women and men exhibit similar behavior when it comes to liking, browsing and having conversations.
To put a number on it, men are reaching out to women 17 percentile points more attractive, and women contact men who are 10 percentile points more attractive.
This means that if a woman does nothing, her inbox will be filled with less attractive men. In fact, women are 2.5x more likely to get a response than men if they initiate.
If you’re a woman who sends the first message, not only are you more likely to get more responses in general, but you’ll be having conversations with more attractive guys.
Most women on Ok Cupid are still waiting to be messaged, which means they’re settling and not even realizing it.
Yet there is one crucial way in which women fail to take the lead.